I was really hoping these sensations were going to dissipate once I rested, prodromal labor or “practice contractions” if you will. And if they were not going to dissolve into nothingness, and if this in fact was labor, I wanted to know as soon as possible so I could really dive into my zen space.
My zen space was mostly breath work, but also included red lights, and ‘Beautiful Chorus’ playing in the background. This musical choice had now become a ritual of sorts, as I had played it for the several mamas before me whom I supported. This music is not intentionally made for birth, but every single song has you sourcing your power just as much as it has you softening into surrender. It’s the most perfect music I could ever imagine for labor.
I needed there to be no outside disturbances once I set forth on my zen, hypnobirthing journey.
Around 10:30pm on this Wednesday night, at 40 weeks and 4 days, I told my mom she could head home, and insisted to her, my husband, and best friend, that I just needed to lie down and take a nap. My mom had been over to help me get my birth room set up. This included a banner of photos I had tactfully selected, including my great grandmother who had birthed 6 children (and had an even smaller frame than I), my grandmothers, my mom, photos of our wedding ceremony, and a photo of a sunrise I took while camping in the Everglades on a chickee. And one last hand-drawn note that read “breath baby down” that was intentionally and artfully made for a dear friend during her first birth many years ago.
Earlier that day I had been experiencing an all too familiar pain, round ligament and psoas spasm-pain. This had occurred several times throughout my pregnancy, a consequence of a pelvic sprain resulting in lax ligaments. Around 2pm, As I was enduring this physical set back and pain, I noticed a few “sensations” that felt more in my cervix. I was hopeful this was not the onset of labor as I had already been in such agony for more than 24 hours, including limited sleep the night before. The thought of going into labor in this compromised state, was very disheartening.
I had experienced “bloody show” earlier that morning, which literally was just that, a tiny bit of blood on my underwear when I would use the bathroom. I hadn’t lost my ‘mucus’ plug, and even still, knew that this wasn’t promise labor would be imminent, as it could also imply I had another week before baby.
Needless to say, after my mom left, due to my insistence I was going to lie down, I surrendered to the reality that I was in labor. This story doesn’t start from the beginning because I don’t know when the beginning was. My denial (and hope) was strong. I would confidently say by 6pm I had already experienced several “sensations” that made me suspicious I could be in early labor. But these sensations were nothing compared to my ligament and muscle pain, warranting a mental-several-hour-long debate on if this were actual labor or not.
At 6:30pm I did call my midwife to give her notice I “may” be in labor. She let me know she was on her way to another birth, and to stay in touch with how I progressed. This is very rare, to have two births in one night… so I was even more hopeful I wasn’t in labor. I happily obliged to simply see how I progressed. My experience in the labor world has taught me that first time moms can often call the midwife or head to the hospital “too” soon and believe they are further along than they actually are. This was on my mind as I deliberated calling her in the first place. But alas…
11pm… I’ve surrendered, this is labor.
